Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
