she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
