They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
