Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
