that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
