He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
