I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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