My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
