On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
