mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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