Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
