Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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