i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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