yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
