he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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