I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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