while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
