What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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