I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My ass is underappreciated
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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