In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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