is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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