tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
