Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
