Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Two words: blizzard sex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
