Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
