I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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