it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
