i was born a porn star she said
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
