I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
