Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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