Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
