she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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