wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
