Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We left an ass print on the piano.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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