"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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