my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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