That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
