Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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