and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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