guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
