he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
