I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
