He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Less talking, more tequila
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
