I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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