Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
