If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
