I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
