she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
