Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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