I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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