Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
