I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
