wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
