i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
